


Seasick

by honerva



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Blood, Gay Keith (Voltron), Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Lance Im sorry, Langst, Lovesickness, M/M, Self-Indulgent, Sorry Not Sorry, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 14:31:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21210107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honerva/pseuds/honerva
Summary: TWmentions of blood and heavy-ish angst.I wrote this at 3 am dont @ me





	Seasick

**Author's Note:**

> TW  
mentions of blood and heavy-ish angst. 
> 
> I wrote this at 3 am dont @ me

Throughout Lance’s whole life he had never felt the love in the way he did for Keith. He had little crushes, love that had been so close to being sincere but was to be coated with attention seeking and lies. With Keith, it was different.

With Keith it felt so much more real. They had both been so close to being with each other, so close. 

Then, Lance had spit up a carnation. Beautifully bold in color, rich in meaning. Fascination. Was it the idea of Lance that made Keith’s heart race? Not his personality, skills, or anything of the sort? Was Lance a feeling rather than a person?

When he had seen Keith with numerous girls he felt as if he was about to faint. 

He was straight, huh.

That’s when he spit out an Aconite,hatred. Be careful. Poisonous purple hitting the metal floor of his small room. There are so many guys to feel seasick over that Lance didn’t even know why he had to be in love with Keith of all people, he thought he hated him. He thought they were rivals.

Months of this had gone on. The feeling of never being loved by someone he’d yearned for had gotten to his head. The doctors called it clinical depression, Lance called it stupidity. He blamed the dead leaves making their way out of his mouth in the middle of the night for no reason. He blamed the innocent daisies making their way through forcefully. 

He blamed the way Keith made his heart race  
He blamed Keith’s laugh  
He blamed his confused looks of innocence  
He blamed his smile  
Most of all, he blamed himself.

Words couldn’t be spoken. Lance had gone completely mute when Keith had gotten with someone. The way he smiled at her, the way he looked at her. God, he wished he looked at him like that. He was sick of waiting, he was sick of holding his tongue. But what is the use of confessing love to him if he knows the answer? All these talks they had with each other until 3, 4, 5 AM? All he wanted to do was blurt out an innocent “I love you so much, Keith.”

Innocent, like daisies. Daisies he couldn’t stop throwing up in the dead of the night. The innocence he had played in front of Keith. Because he was to never know a thing, right?

Well, he tried to keep it a secret from him. That was until movie night. They were all huddled closely and during the middle of the movie, Lance had started coughing profusely. 

Red fucking petals.

Keith had looked in complete shock

Fuck, oh god. Lance thought he was a nice person, what in the everloving fuck did he do to deserve this. Of all things, why now. 

His name rolled off of Keith’s tongue and Lance wished to hear Keith sing. His tone was shaky, shocked, upset, confused. Lance wanted to curl up in a ball and sob right then and there. ‘Nothing I do is ever going to be good enough for you and that’s okay.’ he thought as he got up, closing a hand over his mouth and walking out of the room.

Lately Lance’s heart began to race for no reason at all. Maybe it was the hormones or maybe it was one sided soulmates. Either way, he was still coughing up blood and flowers. This time one of the biggest let downs of a flower, a daffodil. His heart sank everyday at the sight of Keith. Knees jelly, voice shaky, thoughts racing with no meaning whatsoever. He was starstruck and he wanted him more than anything.

He can’t help but know it’s not Keith’s fault, it’s no one but his own for falling for someone who is painfully straight. That was, until Keith came out as gay shortly after his breakup with his girlfriend.

So he just wasn’t enough for him period, then.

Geraniums had decided to join the party of unrequited love. Stupidity.

One night, while Keith and Lance were having another long talk, Keith had brought up his insecurities and god Lance just wanted to take him away from it all, he wanted to take him far away and just show him how much he’s worth, how much his thoughts aren’t true at all.

Lately he had asked the higher beings above why he wasn’t enough. He begged for an answer, he begged to know. He just wanted to know why he was so undesirable in Keith's eyes.

“You’re my stability,” Keith uttered the words like they were meaningless. As if Lance’s heart wasn’t going to flip and do a 180. Lance couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t take the pain in knowing Keith wasn’t in love, Keith didn’t feel seasick over Lance like he to him. 

“God damnit, Keith. Don’t say shit like that.” and, god, he had the audacity to ask ‘why’. 

“Because I love you! I love you so much it fucking hurts to look at you sometimes. It hurts seeing you smile, seeing you laugh, seeing your stupid face and knowing I will never, ever be enough for you, I couldn’t ever amount to what you deserve and maybe that’s god punishing me but lately I begin to shake, to cry, to sob out of pure insecurity. I want to take you away to someplace and show you that you’re so much more than what anyone else thinks,” he’s starting to cry, Keith is too. It’s all too much, he wanted to run away but he hadn’t the slightest clue how. “You are so much more than the insecurities that linger in your mind, god, they aren’t even true,” he paused for a breath. “I don’t hate you, I never wanted to be your rival, I’m in love with you and it hurts. It fucking hurts.”

“I wish I felt the same, I really wish I did.” he said the words with no hesitation, as if they would make Lance’s heart crumble into a million shards on the ground. Like Lance had no feelings whatsoever. Like Lance didn’t notice him walking away with his hands in his pockets like he just had a normal conversation.

All Lance knew how to do was crumble to the floor and cry, cry till his voice wasn’t even there. Till there was nothing coming out of his eyes.


End file.
